A Sick Day in the Life (港姐準決賽夜) —— 徐偉泉 (胡君毅                                   1977 6                        




It was the day of the flu, and naturally I had to come down with something (a combination of hangover, fever, headache, and a tendency to die, in general). My girlfriend, who was more like a tenant, jumped with joy at the chance of playing mother to me, and make my life hell.  To make things worse, I had lost my voice due to an inflammatory throat, and whatever I gestured with my hands she took as if it were a compliment. I was, to put it mildly, reduced to a sulky idiot.
Anyway, Frances insisted on moving the television set into my room, saying it's for my own good, while all flaming time knowing that I can't stand television. That was when I saw the semi-final of the Miss Hong Kong Contest, to my horror. Now come to think of it, it was she who wanted to watch the bloody programme; to have the TV inside my room was just to ease the guilt on her conscience, and as a matter of fact I would much prefer to have her watching television elsewhere, like ten miles away from here.
To get back to this Miss Hong Kong thing I was talking about. I must admit I have not seen anything quite like this before. Anyone in his right mind and sound body would not be watching television on a weekend, would he? But it's the ultimate in glamour and social importance, and what girl wouldn't like to seat herself upon the rattan throne, even at the expense of having her 10-dollar stockings ruined?
It struck me as odd to stage this semi-final inside a stuffy, crummy television studio. I've seen better set-ups on inter-school quiz shows.  But one glimpse at the girls would explain everything. Inter-school quiz shows were never like this: at least you could see more intelligent faces among the school kids, and they talked intelligence too, like zirconium and it's contribution to mankind. At any rate, there was one emotion of human nature displayed by every girl —— greed. See them sway and wriggle and flash their teeth and act lady-like and make a fool of themselves. One couldn't help but feel sorry for them. And the judges —— they looked as if they were sitting on top of the coliseum waiting for the lions to devour the Christians, which was exactly what all the hullabaloo was about, if they were to admit it.
I have to confess the most brilliant part was the question-and-answer segment. Classic lines like: "What would you do if you were returning a book to the library and discovered a few pages had been missing?" —— "I'd pay for the damage."; "What would you do if you found a kid who stole your belongings on a beach?" —— "I'd take him to the police.";  or "What would you do if you went to play tennis and found that somebody else had been using your court?" —— "I'd tell them to go away." I mean, how could you lose?! But of course this was a part of the test to see if the intelligence and mentality of the girls were what we expected to be —— those of a six-year-old. Or, better still, as the old saying goes, "A stupid question deserves a stupid answer."
I had been making some mental notes while watching the programme, and according to my calculations none of the girls would have qualified. Shit, if I had my say, when we came to the part where each of the girls had to dance to the music in their jean outfits, I'd cast my vote to the dancers who accompanied in each dance. At least they're more feminine, for Christ's sake. Of course, the girl who sang before the judges stifled their sneer in the backroom was pretty good too.
But this would be the last time I had anything to do with the Miss Hong Kong doo-dah. Do you know what really annoyed me? The programme had to come at the same time as the Donny and Marie Osmond Show.

                                                                                  Donny and Marie Osmond